True story....

I haven't been feeling all that well for about six months.  Yep, six months.  That's a long time to not feel well, so I decided that I should finally do something about it and get checked out.  Off to the doctor I went.  She wasn't quite sure what was going on, so she ordered some labs.  The labs came clear of any kind of infection.  Good and bad news.  Her next suggestion was to go visit a heart doc because my heart rate is low and I sometimes feel dizzy, so I have one scheduled.  In the meantime,  I am going about my life and one day, I am taking towels back to my hairdresser's salon and he is asking about my symptoms, so I tell.  He has a client all foiled up and processing, so she hears all the details of my whatever is going on.  She then tells me that she is a nurse and could she ask me some more questions about my symptoms.  I have no problem with this, so she does.  After a few questions, she tells me that it sounds like I have something called H pylori, which, I think, is some kind of stomach parasite and if left unattended, could turn into ulcers.  YIKES BIKES!!  She tells me that it should just be a simple blood test to find out and then an antibiotic to clear things up.  This news makes me want to yodel until my heart gives out.  How lovely would it be if that is all it is?  I thank her a bazillion times and then call my doctor to tell her I need this checked out.  She gets a lab form signed for me, so I can get tested.  In my mind, I am thinking, "Oh, a simple little blood draw and then I can find out!"  Oh dear readers, that is not to be the case.  When I get to the lab, the girl starts pulling all these things together for me...a little plastic toilet thing, rubber gloves, a tongue depressor, a plastic jar, and a biohazard bag.  Yep, I am not giving some blood, but a STOOL sample.  Gross!  I am, however, grateful that they let me "gather" this sample in the privacy of my own bathroom and not some sterile lab bathroom.  But, still, the whole thing just makes me shudder and I haven't quite gotten up the courage to go through the process yet.  The instructions made me laugh out loud and so do the supplies .  Oh, human life is ridiculous and funny...if you think about it.  I just hope I find out what is going on, and I am so glad that I am not the person on the receiving end of these types of samples.